After seeing the post from Stephenzone I thought I would post this one.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is usedas a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the objectwe are trying to hit.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off particularly stubborn bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija boardprinciple. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal yourfuture becomes.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboardcartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxescontaining seats and motorcycle jackets.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammableobjects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside abrake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metalbar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flingsyour beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted partyou were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere underthe workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls andhard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say,"Ouch...."
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after youhave installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handlefirmly under the front fender.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off ahydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulicfloor jack.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool forspreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and isten times harder than any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prying tool that inexplicablyhas an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid froma car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that yourbattery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a droplight because your likely hood of dropping it is directly proportional tohow new the bulb is. Allows mechanics to acquire trendy skin "branding"marks. Fashion benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 100-wattlight bulbs.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-stylepaper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, asthe name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning powerplant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air for the purposeof blowing dirt, rocks, and metal dust into your mouth.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracketyou needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
Speaking of which, Princess Auto has dead blow hammers on sale for $3.33. I've always wanted one and as of today I am the proud owner of such a prestigious tool..
Speaking of which, Princess Auto has dead blow hammers on sale for $3.33. I've always wanted one and as of today I am the proud owner of such a prestigious tool..
