For the engineers among us who understand that the obvious is not always the solution, and that the facts, no matter how implausible, are still the facts ...
A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:
"This is the second time I have written you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I kind of sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds: 'What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?'"
The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well-educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, the man got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.
Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data, time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth, etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store.
Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to find the flavor and get checked out.
Now the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Once time became the problem-not the vanilla ice cream-the engineer quickly came up with the answer: vapor lock. It was happening every night, but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.
Moral of the story: even insane-looking problems are sometimes real.
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1967 Parisienne 2+2 1967 Grande Parisienne
1967 Laurentian 1967 Strato Chief
Remember, "The Government" only has money confiscated from us.
On automotive engineering: From the Swansea University Computer Society
* If a component requires 4 fasteners to hold it together:
* The English will use 4.
* Italians and French will use 3.
* Germans will use 5 (removable grade 8 hardware).
* The Japanese will make it out of plastic and it will work fine.
The English will use 4 fasteners - all of different threads without lock washers. Each of these will require the need for a long thin spanner and a great deal of patience to remove or replace. The part will be located in such a way that it is exposed to the maximum corrosion available and will be accessible only by removing something particularly greasy, rusted or frustrating.
The French and Italians will make the part out of stamped .28 gauge steel where a casting would be required. It will be retained by three fasteners each of which is a wing nut. The fasteners will be anchored in a stamped metal strip held on by two pop rivets. It will be located on the firewall or inner fender and will come pre-rusted.
The German part will be made of cast aluminum with nicely machined fins. It will be attached to a forged steel mount and cleverly mounted inside a steamlined baffle designed to tidy up the appearance of the engine compartment. It will be retained by 5 Grade 8 fasteners each of which will have a specific and critical torque setting. Removal will require the use of the factory tool only. Refitting will be impossible and will require the replacement of the entire unit by an upgrade.
The Japanese part will be made of plastic retained by a patented plastic clip which is attached to the inner fender in a series of similar parts. It will have a stick-on foil label explaining in Japanese that the part is not to be repaired. A new part will cost more than the German part, 5 times as much as the Italian or French part, and more than the entire British vehicle.
The car will run badly without the British part however the owner will not notice after drinking a pint of bitter. The owner will quite enjoy the bad performance after an additional pint, preferably of Guiness. The Italian and French cars will run with complete indifference which will be replaced by a jaded curiosity if 1 litre of red wine is added to the fuel tank.
The German car will not run and the part will send a message to the manufacturer via a hidden computer link/transmitter that the car has been disabled. The dealer will arrive with a tow truck, rental car and a large bill. The consolation bottle of schnapps will be included in the bill.
The Japanese part will activate a hidden on-board timer which will result in the collapse of the entire vehicle exactly five years after the date of manufacture. The collapse will signal the Japanese Autocrusher Union to come and collect the remains, while the owner is offered a discount on the purchase of a new car over a ceremonial cup of sake.
Finally, the American car will have eliminated the need for the part in question over 30 years ago.
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1967 Parisienne 2+2 1967 Grande Parisienne
1967 Laurentian 1967 Strato Chief
Remember, "The Government" only has money confiscated from us.
