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A Poncho Legend!

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RE: joke of the day


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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 43,000 original miles


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Three contractors are bidding to repair a fence at the Parliament Buildings. One is from Montreal, another is from Winnipeg and the third is from Vancouver. All three go with a public works official to examine the fence.

The Vancouver contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil ."Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Winnipeg contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $7,000. That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Montreal contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the government official and whispers, "$27,000."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?
The Montreal contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Winnipeg to repair the fence.

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how Government contracts work for SNC Lavalin.

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1963 Acadian Beaumont Sport Deluxe
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Canadian Poncho Superstar!

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Your DUCK IS DEAD

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

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Canadian Poncho Superstar!

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LEMON PICKERS NEEDED IN FLORIDA - ONLY US CITIZENS OR LEGAL IMMIGRANTS NEED APPLY

Lemon Pickers Needed read the ad in the newspaper.

Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs , Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job.

She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a masters degree from Michigan

State University. For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.

The foreman studied her application, frowned and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume. However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said..."I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, and voted for Trump .

She started work yesterday

So about the political slant at the end.

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A Poncho Legend!

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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 43,000 original miles


A Poncho Legend!

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Posts: 39702
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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 43,000 original miles


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An elderly father in his sunset years was reflecting with his son on his life's accomplishments. As they looked out across the landscape, the father spoke & said, "Son, my father and I built this farm with our own hands back before the war. Do they call me Walter the builder? No son, they don't." As they strolled down to the farm pond and walked out onto the dock, the father went on, "This dock, you remember we built this together many years back?" The son nodded. The father said, "But they don't call me Walter the dock builder".
Then the father muttered under his breath, "but you screw just ONE goat..."



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67 Chevelle Malibu Sport Coupe, Oshawa-built stocker 250 Powerglide 40,000 mile

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Cameron Milne, Toronto.


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Poncho Master!

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A man was driving down a country road, he saw a large group of people outside of a house. He stopped and asked why everyone was there. A man replied "Jim's mule kicked his mother inlaw, and she's dead !", "Well she sure had a lot of friends" the traveller replied. "Naw" said the man " we're here to buy the mule".

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Long live the Canadian arrowhead >

 Edmonton,AB



A Poncho Legend!

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Poncho Master!

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a_collection_of_car_memes_for_yall_there



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Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.



St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.

You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?"



The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it, says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.



The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks,

"Will any of this week 'count' St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down.

There's no way we can keep track of what you are doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, I've always wanted to be a stud.

So be it says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.



A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.

"Will you have any trouble locating them?" he asks.



"The first one should be easy," says St Peter.

"He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles.



But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asks the Lord.

He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Saskatchewan.

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1963 Acadian Beaumont Sport Deluxe
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A Poncho Legend!

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Poncho Master!

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Church Bulletins
 
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
The Fasting Prayer Conference includes meals
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight:  'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM .
Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM ... The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
 
and finally

One of the best 'Church' phrases I remember.........;)

Priest: The mass has ended - go in peace.
Congregation: Thanx be to God!


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 happy motoring :burnout



A Poncho Legend!

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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 43,000 original miles


A Poncho Legend!

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Poncho Master!

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:winner


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......big block, 4 speed, bench seat, it doesn't get much better

 happy motoring :burnout



Poncho Master!

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......big block, 4 speed, bench seat, it doesn't get much better

 happy motoring :burnout



A Poncho Legend!

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I may not show that one to my wife....

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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 43,000 original miles


Poncho Master!

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4SPEED427 wrote:

I may not show that one to my wife....


 no



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......big block, 4 speed, bench seat, it doesn't get much better

 happy motoring :burnout



A Poncho Legend!

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A Poncho Legend!

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