Here's one relating to your engine rebuild. Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Samuel Kaiser, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager. Jerry, who was somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey Kaiser. Is that you? Come over here a minute. The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Jerry was working on the car. Jerry, in a loud voice that all could hear said "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I too, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I'm finished, this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work? Dr. Kaiser, very embarrassed, shook his head and replied in a soft voice, "Try doing your work with the engine running.
guy walks into a bar, sits down at the bar. bartender walks over, notices the guy has a 12" man sitting on his shoulder. unfazed, he asks what'll he have, the guy orders a beer. bartender brings him a beer, sits it down in front of the guy, the 12" man jumps off the guy's shoulder and kicks over the beer, spilling it. the guy says bring me another. bartender sets another beer down in front of the guy and again, the 12" man jumps down and kicks it over. now the bartender asks what the deal is with the little man on his shoulder. the guy says i found a sealed bottle floating in the flood waters near morris i opened it and a genie popped out(no, not barbara) the genie said i will grant you 1 wish for rescueing me. the guy says i asked for a 12" prick and this is what i got.
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested. "Not according to my radar," the trooper said. "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back. "No you weren't!" the trooper said. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, 'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking." --------------------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" WIFE: "In the pool."
a blonde walks into the local best buy, points and says i want to buy that tv. the clerk says no, we don't sell to blondes. she walks out frustrated, goes home and decides to dye her hair brown. next day she goes back to the best buy and again tells the clerk she wants to buy that tv. clerk again says they don't sell to blondes. she says how do you know i'm a blonde? clerk says that's not a tv, it's a microwave.
An Alberta lawyer and a Newfoundlander are sitting next to each other on the long flight to Halifax. The lawyer is thinking that Newfoundlanders are so dumb that he can fool them easy... So the lawyer asks if the Newfoundlander would like to play a fun game. The Newfoundlander is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.'
This catches the Newfoundlanders attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the moon?' The Newfoundlander doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the Newfoundlanders turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all the references he knows. He uses the air-phone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes up the Newfoundlander and hands him $500. The Newfoundlander pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Newfoundlander up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?' The Newfoundlander reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. . . . Don't mess with us Newfoundlanders. We only talk different...
i opened it and a genie popped out(no, not barbara) the genie said i will grant you 1 wish for rescueing me. the guy says i asked for a 12" prick and this is what i got.
