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Post Info TOPIC: Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A:
57poncho


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President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

 Hallo, President Obama" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself,  me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbour Mick, and the whole dart team from  the pub. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

 Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Obama, the war is still on!  We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the ****pit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

 Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners.." CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

 

 



 


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427carl


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57poncho wrote:


 

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners.." CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

 RIGHT ON!!  rofl.gifrofl.gif    

 

 



 


 



-- Edited by 427carl on Thursday 4th of February 2010 07:22:29 PM

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gparis7


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Do you think you could find some other characters besides Newfoundlanders for these jokes?

Maybe Albertans, or Nova Scotians, or Ontarians? You know, spread it around.

I've seen a few of these here over the last few months. Not funny.


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427carl


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No one seems to make great "other Province" jokes.... I will look for some...

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57poncho


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gparis7 wrote:

Do you think you could find some other characters besides Newfoundlanders for these jokes?

Maybe Albertans, or Nova Scotians, or Ontarians? You know, spread it around.

I've seen a few of these here over the last few months. Not funny.


Here you go some prairie humour

How do you know when your staying in a Manitoba hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says, "go ahead."

How can you tell if an Alberta redneck is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Saskatchewan to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Alberta?
A documentary.

How many rednecks does it take to eat a deer?
Two. One to eat and one to watch for traffic.

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Manitoba. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.

An Alberta RCMP pulled over a pickup truck on Highway 2. He asked the driver "Got any ID?"
The driver says "Bout what?"  



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carnut70ls4


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I think all these jokes are really funny and harmless, no matter what province you are from. Born and raised in St Johns, now in Calgary.

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Thanks for the laugh, but I think I heard that one in Manitoba about 10 yrs ago. The combine gives it away.biggrin



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4SPEED427


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Haha, all good ones, thanks!

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Another good laugh Vern, thanks .

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66 Grande guy


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Heres a couple of good ones fer ya bys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjX6GW_jo5g

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ken from northern Alberta

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4SPEED427


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rofl.gif Thanks Ken!!!

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66 Grande guy


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Hey no problem.  Heres one I made up about the Olympics.  I'll try it out on you guys:


What's the olympic sport that gets you the least respect?

The luge, cause even if you win a medal you're still a luger!

My stepson laughed but it may have been at me not with me.


Did you hear about the Albertan who won a gold medal at the Olympics.  He was so proud he had it bronzed.



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ken from northern Alberta

38 Willys pickup electric

39 Buick (327 with 700 r4)

66 Beaumont 4 door hardtop

69 Chevy CST pickup

1976 GMC 23'  motorhome

1994 Impala SS 

1968 Citroen Fourgonnette (Yeah Carl!)
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dualquadpete


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gparis7 wrote:

Do you think you could find some other characters besides Newfoundlanders for these jokes?

Maybe Albertans, or Nova Scotians, or Ontarians? You know, spread it around.

I've seen a few of these here over the last few months. Not funny.


John, lighten up, my "newfie" neighbour saw that one a couple of days ago & sent it to me, when he came over the next day he was still laughing & talking about it!! It's certainly not knocking newfies, but more or less saying they'd win the battle over overwhelming odds, I'd be PROUD

 



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Buddy Wassisname and the odder fellasbiggrin. They are hilarious!

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66 Grande guy


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Yep,  i was trying to find the joke he did about his 74 corvette wid the 454 but I couldn't find it on youtube.

now that's a funny joke!

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ken from northern Alberta

38 Willys pickup electric

39 Buick (327 with 700 r4)

66 Beaumont 4 door hardtop

69 Chevy CST pickup

1976 GMC 23'  motorhome

1994 Impala SS 

1968 Citroen Fourgonnette (Yeah Carl!)
87 player bird


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good joke. Let's not get overly sensitive boys, We're all friends here. I'm slovak by the way, so anyone have any jokes about my lineage? I don't care cause I can take a joke, Nyuck,nyuck!

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Which is exactly why Ontarians have sex dog style.......so they don't miss the hockey game of course! Please feel free to delete if not appropriate Todd.

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carnut70ls4


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Hey Ken I have heard that one about the 454 as well, man it is good.  I thinks he wants to go fast, breaks me up everytime..

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gparis7


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Now that's more like it. More characters.

And yes, Buddy & the other fellers are hilarious. I helped organize a benefit concert in the late 80s in which they were featured performers . Great guys.

Any group that can be around for 25 years and still generate fresh material and new audiences has something going right.

Maybe some of you guys have heard the one about Buddy's Ford Econoline van....

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427carl


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U.S.A:
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66 Grande guy


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Hey my wife is slovak too!   I haven't noticed a great sense of humour though....... heh heh

And the punch line for the vette joke:  "I didn't want to drag! I got me braces caught in yer side view mirror!"   I'll let the guys imagine the rest.


In the doghouse again.

-- Edited by 66 Grande guy on Saturday 6th of February 2010 12:14:54 AM

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ken from northern Alberta

38 Willys pickup electric

39 Buick (327 with 700 r4)

66 Beaumont 4 door hardtop

69 Chevy CST pickup

1976 GMC 23'  motorhome

1994 Impala SS 

1968 Citroen Fourgonnette (Yeah Carl!)
455gto


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My wife likes this one......I still don't get itconfuseconfuse

 

 

 

 
 Husband says to wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived...
 I think I'll wear Gold tonight."                                                                                                                        

 Wife says "Why not wear Silver and come second for a change."




 

 


 



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davelacourse


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Uhhh, Kim, what she means is ... oh dear, how can I explain this ... maybe by referring to another joke here ... next time try Ontarian style?

And - about all the other jokes - rofl.gif

btw pretty much any redneck joke can be prefaced by Florida instead of a Canadian province, eh?

Dave

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