Before this week, I thought that maybe Id someday join the ranks of men who downshift from busy careers in sales, air traffic control or guarding jail inmates to less stressful jobs as they approach retirement. You know: driving a courtesy shuttle for a car dealership, cutting grass at a golf course or measuring lumber at a big-box home improvement store.

But news reports this week about London Mayor Joe Fontana wanting to string a series of gondolas above the citys streets opened my eyes to an entirely new possibility. And if the project timetable, my semi-retirement plans and the stars align properly, I think Id be a shoo-in for the job.

In fact, Ive already started writing a script, though its only a first draft:

Good morning! My name is Larry and Ill be your tour guide today as we ascend from beautifully regentrified SoHo here in London, Ontario, aboard our handcrafted gondola. Well rise to a height of 45 metres before setting down in the urban beach at the Forks of the Thames.

Before we get started, a few facts about this urban transportation system itself. The three Fontanic 1800 gondolas that ferry our passengers over the beautiful vistas of downtown London were built by Orser Enterprises and pay tribute to Ontarios manufacturing past. The cabins are made of steel plates from the former St. Thomas Ford Assembly Plant; the cabins glass floor was originally a sunroof in a luxury vehicle. The overhead cables and rollers were salvaged from conveyor systems at Londons former Kellogg plant and Leamingtons former Heinz plant. The liability waivers you signed before getting aboard were printed by London Life.

As we rise now above the urban landscape, you can immediately see the colour and vibrancy that fills Londons core. The expansive parking lots are subtle in their colour differences, some black as coal, while others tend more toward a lively grey. Even the flat tar paper and bitumen rooftops boast a palette of colours ranging from dark green to slate black. Notice also how the streets are laid out in a mesmerizing rectangular pattern, as if on a grid.

Through our glass floor, you can now see the Canadian National Railway tracks, along which trains regularly rumble, laden with hazardous cargo and headed for faraway destinations.

From here you can also easily see how Londons robust rail system, intertwined with its network of multi-lane roadways and level crossings, can produce a traffic calming effect. Motorists, delayed on their journeys by passing trains, are frequently coaxed into a zone of contemplation and introspection seldom found outside meditation aids like labyrinths.

Some of you may have already spotted that stretch green space immediately south of the Forks of the Thames. Its a place where London displays its environmental awareness the site cant be disturbed any deeper than a half metre or so because of coal tar deposits left over from the citys industrial past.

Were now approaching one of the citys most interesting points of reference. Wait for it . . . three, two, one . . . now! From this vantage point along our journey, every building within a two-kilometre radius is owned by Farhi Holdings.

Continuing on our way, were now approaching two London landmarks. On your left, its Labatt Park a shrine to baseball, as its one of the oldest continually used baseball fields in the world. And to the right, there, thats 80 Dundas St., Londons courthouse. Its design was obviously inspired by the black monolith from Stanley Kubricks film 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Coming into view now is the Forks of the Thames, the convergence of two waterways; the antler in what aboriginal people called the Antler River. Today, it lies at the heart of Londoners loving embrace of the environment. Oooo, were in luck! The water is clear enough today for you to see that school of smallmouth bass right there, next to those submerged shopping carts. Just a half a kilometre downstream, by the way, the effluent from our sewage treatment plant gets dumped into the river.

Well, that just about concludes our aerial tour of London. We hope youve enjoyed . . . Gah! Yes, watch out, sir. Sorry. Were never quite sure when the Blackburn jet deau will start or stop. You can towel off when you disembark at the concrete beach.

There. Touchdown. Once again, we hope youve enjoyed your tour aboard the Fontanic 1800. Have a great day.

Before you leave London, dont forget to try our scavenger hunt. Theres only one item on the list: the Canadian Medical Hall of Fame. Few tourists or London residents, for that matter have ever found it.

As I say, its just a first draft.

Larry Cornies is a London-based journalist and educator. cornies@gmail.com