At my wits end...feeling overwhelmed. Anyone else get this way?

hawkeye5766 · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

At my wits end...feeling overwhelmed. Anyone else get this way?

StriperSS · Poncho Master!

It's tough, but you have to say no at some point, or you'll end up in the hospital or divorced. Or put up a white board calendar in your shop, and list everything that needs to be done, with the days marked. Maybe if your friends see that they may back off on the requests.

4SPEED427 · A Poncho Legend!

hawkeye5766 wrote:

Just looking for opinions here. Anyone have too much on there plate?? Think most of us do.... Say you have 5 buddies that each need 3 or 4 days worth of work done to help them out. They think it's only 3 or 4 days...but when you add them all up it's 20 days because they don't know about the other 4 buddies! Then there is the wife list...plus your own list. I have so many lists that I can't remember which one is first. I could list them off for you but it would be a long list! If I plan it out...my next 120 days are booked! Anyone else get tied up like this with helping out? I know...just say NO......but I can't.

I went through that starting about a year ago. First time ever for it to be so severe that it was starting to affect my sleeping habits, memory, ability to think clearly etc. A lot of it is related to the stress of seeing my wife's health in a slow decline and her mobility being reduced, which puts more pressure on me to do day to day stuff.

I had to give up a major commitment I had made (involving working on an old car). I also reduced my work schedule one day per week. We hired someone to do some housecleaning. We paid people to do some yard work that I would normally have done myself. We paid to have some work done on our daily drivers that I would normally have done myself.

I think I'm starting to finally get a handle on it now, but it hasn't been fun. We've come to realize that my wife's health is going to affect our day to day lives more as time goes on. There will be less travel time and most of our vacations will now be at our cottage (where we also paid someone to do some renovations to make it easier for her to be there). I wanted to do the renos myself but that part about just saying "no" also applies to our own lives, saying no to too much work at home.

My one relief is when I get time here and there to work on my old car. Without that I likely would have been placed on the burned out list. It took me most of last winter to do the 4 speed conversion and that should have been done in a week of evenings.

GrtDanes · Poncho Master!

What the hell you always say no to me.Every time I say im going to fly up there its.
I wont be home that weekend or the next.
I have to sweep the floors for the wife.
Will be in the states.
James needs me to tk him shopping.
Visiting my parents.
Tires are flat I cant pick you up.
Have Carl and Johnnee D here then.
And the most hurtful one is "Im Out Of Beer"
So don't try fooling these great members that you cant say no!

Survivor · Addicted!

hawkeye5766 wrote:
Just looking for opinions here. Anyone have too much on there plate?? Think most of us do.... Say you have 5 buddies that each need 3 or 4 days worth of work done to help them out. They think it's only 3 or 4 days...but when you add them all up it's 20 days because they don't know about the other 4 buddies! Then there is the wife list...plus your own list. I have so many lists that I can't remember which one is first. I could list them off for you but it would be a long list! If I plan it out...my next 120 days are booked! Anyone else get tied up like this with helping out? I know...just say NO......but I can't.

There are people in this world who would trade places with you in a nano second and would love to have the problems you do because they just can't.

Canadian Poncho · A Poncho Legend!

Yep. I'm stressed all the time. it's one of the main reasons I get gout. Usually it's financial worries and health issues (and sometimes the state of the world gets to me). Don't get me wrong- I'm thankful for what I have. Many, many people are far worse off than me.

4SPEED427 · A Poncho Legend!

Canadian Poncho wrote:

I'm thankful for what I have.

Exactly. Years ago I finally figured out to focus on, and be thankful for the blessings in my life. I used to focus on what I didn't have, and what others did have that I wished I had. Comparing my negatives vs. others positives was an awful mistake on my part.

DonSSDD · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

Carl Stevenson wrote:
Canadian Poncho wrote:

I'm thankful for what I have.

Exactly. Years ago I finally figured out to focus on, and be thankful for the blessings in my life. I used to focus on what I didn't have, and what others did have that I wished I had. Comparing my negatives vs. others positives was an awful mistake on my part.

We all get wound up with life and get in a rut, me included. Take time to stop and smell the roses, in my case, like Carl, quality time with the old car is very beneficial.

I just retired Oct 1, everyone asks me what Ill do- I tell them Ill keep busy, I have an old car, an old boat, an old house and an old wife, so will not get bored.

It is always good to know there are other people who have the same problems you do, some have more, some have less.

Don

Lemans64 · Poncho Master!

Like most people on here, I have a problem saying NO, But with Wifes health issues and kids growing up,

My friends know it's hard so they don't ask. It does seem mostly here anyway that a lot of the can you help me

is a one way street, and the wife lets me know that so I find it easier to be busy and not get involved with other's

stuff to much anymore. As well as my health and family comes first. We are not getting any Younger.

rabbit64cs · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

Friends will understand when you say No , I've too much on my plate right now !

I used to be The " I gotta just do this one thing guy " .. which turned into a never ending list of " I gottas " . It took some personal reflection and strength to pull back and prioritize .

Haha .. probably why I've been working onthat convertible for 10 years !

DANO65 · Poncho Master!

I Hear ya Jim, right now I don't know if I am coming or going. At that stage where all 3 kids are involved in something with the little guy just starting hockey. So at the moment the only day there are no scheduled kid activities is Thursday.
Now there is still the bathroom reno at the Aunt's house that has been dragging on for over a year, really bugs me we don't have time to finish that, as it is I might get 1 evening a month, she really is a patient soul.
Now trying to get the yard ready for winter. Then there is the maintenance on the fleet to fit in, as well as the mother in-laws down the street.
Just have to tell everyone to take a number. I will get there when I get there.
The good news is my Dad and his buddy are now bored since his car is done, so the Acadian will get some love this winter. 1 day a week they will come out and putter with it. And with luck the odd Thursday night I might too, get a little sanity back?
Hang in there bud. Make a schedule for your buddies, leave a little room for you in there as well. You are only 1 guy so they all have to be patient. Your real friends will be with out question, and those that have a problem with it can take it down the road.

poncho62 · Poncho Master!

Lots of crap hitting the fan here too, wont go into details.

Maybe we all need some of that new legal wacky tobacky to calm us down............

65wagon · Poncho Master!

ive got a buddy who has about ten serious projects all started and about that amount which could be started, hes now got about 2weeks to 6weeks max to be here with us. I haven't been asked yet but im sure once all the dust settles ill be asked to help put some of them together. its sad nice stuff but I have my own projects , love the guy but im going to concentrate on my own family and help out when I can.

CdnGMfan · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

One must remember not to become a People-Pleaser that can't say No. It will reduce stress and people will still respect you for it.

73SC · A Poncho Legend!

65wagon wrote:
ive got a buddy who has about ten serious projects all started and about that amount which could be started, hes now got about 2weeks to 6weeks max to be here with us. I haven't been asked yet but im sure once all the dust settles ill be asked to help put some of them together. its sad nice stuff but I have my own projects , love the guy but im going to concentrate on my own family and help out when I can.

You mean he's going to die?

hawkeye5766 · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

Seems I'm not the only one in this boat..... As stated...guess I have to just prioritize and deal with things one at a time. If it doesn't get done today,it will still be there tomorrow. Stopped doing side work for buddies about 11 years ago. It was the reason we bought property up in 100 Mile house,needed a place to escape to. Seems once I built my shop a couple of years ago...... it has all come back. Think I have a project car for me from a member lined up for spring,so the shop will be full(sorry no room). Great idea with the white board John! Have a 3x4 chalk board that I put up tonight and almost filled it!!

hawkeye5766 · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

Carl Stevenson wrote:
Canadian Poncho wrote:

I'm thankful for what I have.

Exactly. Years ago I finally figured out to focus on, and be thankful for the blessings in my life. I used to focus on what I didn't have, and what others did have that I wished I had. Comparing my negatives vs. others positives was an awful mistake on my part.

Yes..we always seem to look up(the guy doing better) and not look down. I tend to look down and think how lucky I am.

MC · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

hawkeye5766 wrote:
Carl Stevenson wrote:
Canadian Poncho wrote:

I'm thankful for what I have.

Exactly. Years ago I finally figured out to focus on, and be thankful for the blessings in my life. I used to focus on what I didn't have, and what others did have that I wished I had. Comparing my negatives vs. others positives was an awful mistake on my part.
Yes..we always seem to look up(the guy doing better) and not look down. I tend to look down and think how lucky I am.

That is true, but it's also important to realize that just because there are people out there worse off, it doesn't mean that your problems are insignificant. There will always be people who are better off and worse off than you, but what you are going through is real and meaningful. You wouldn't have felt compelled to post about it here if it weren't.

Chalk me up as one of the guys constantly feeling overwhelmed with things, and feeling like you always have to make everybody happy at the expense of your own happiness. I'm not going to attempt give advice on how to get around it because I also haven't been all that successful in dealing with it in my own life.

All I will say is that there are no easy solutions. There are some things in life you can control and some things you can't, so at least try to focus on those that you can change and try not to be affected by those you can't. Easier said than done, and sometimes impossible, especially when dealing with personal health issues or those of loved ones.

I keep trying to live by the mantra that the only thing we are sure of is 'now', so try to live each day to its fullest and enjoy the moment for whatever it has to offer. This doesn't always work, but it does help from time to time. Also try to remember that your own health and happiness is important too, and you can't help others if you don't take care of yourself first. Think of it like the safety presentation just before a flight, where they tell you to put on your oxygen mask first before you try to help others put theirs on...

Good luck in getting things worked out!

hawkeye5766 · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

MC wrote

Chalk me up as one of the guys constantly feeling overwhelmed with things, and feeling like you always have to make everybody happy at the expense of your own happiness.
Good luck in getting things worked out!

Think you hit the nail on the head! Not much free time, but think another project (car) will give me the time to enjoy the hobby for myself. Remember when doing the Canso...it's not something you have to do...it's something you look forward to doing!! Thanks for all the responses/advise(except Doug). Wondering what their reaction will be when they see the list on the chalk board!

-- Edited by hawkeye5766 on Wednesday 7th of November 2018 02:17:15 AM

MC · Canadian Poncho Superstar!

hawkeye5766 wrote:

Not much free time, but think another project (car) will give me the time to enjoy the hobby for myself.

LOL... I've had that mindset before when buying things like books or other hobby stuff, somewhere in my mind I feel that buying the book will also buy me the free time to sit around reading it. I have a pile of books waiting to be read... biggrin

Oh well, there's always retirement... wink

65wagon · Poncho Master!

73SC wrote:
65wagon wrote:
ive got a buddy who has about ten serious projects all started and about that amount which could be started, hes now got about 2weeks to 6weeks max to be here with us. I haven't been asked yet but im sure once all the dust settles ill be asked to help put some of them together. its sad nice stuff but I have my own projects , love the guy but im going to concentrate on my own family and help out when I can.
You mean he's going to die?

yup, I was talking to him about stopping buy , wife said he wasn't feeling well, then boom. its really overwhelming for them, I just put out the offer to help out anyway I can to them if and when they want, its all I can do for now.